📜 The Charter of the United Oligarchy

📜 The Charter of the United Oligarchy

Preamble

We, the Billionaires of the United States, in Order to form a more Profitable Union, establish ourselves and our trusts, insure Domestic Market Stability (for our holdings), provide for the Common Defense (of our assets), promote the general Welfare (of our portfolio), and secure the Blessings of Perpetual Low Taxation and Deregulation to ourselves and our Heirs, do ordain and establish this Charter of the United Oligarchy for the American Entity.

🏛️ Article I: The Legislative Chamber (The Lobby)

Section 1: All Legislative Power Herein Granted

All legislative power shall be vested in the Chamber of Commerce and the Senate of Capital, composed of delegates and committees primarily funded by the wealthiest private interests, and informally guided by the Shadow Caucus.

Section 2: The House of Proxies

  • Members chosen every second year by citizens, provided those citizens have been sufficiently informed by media outlets and platforms controlled by the Oligarchy.
  • Qualification: No person shall be a Representative who has not received campaign contributions totaling at least three times the national average annual salary from Special Interest Groups.
  • Purpose: Debate symbolic, cultural issues designed to keep the citizenry divided and distracted from the core economic agenda.

Section 8: Powers of the Chamber

  • To lay and collect tariffs and trade taxes on foreign goods, ensuring monopolies remain unchallenged.
  • To regulate commerce only insofar as it does not disrupt supply chains or lower profit margins.
  • To borrow money on the credit of the United States, ensuring risks are public and profits privatized.
  • To establish universal legal protection for unlimited political spending as “speech.”
  • To defend tax havens and intellectual property rights above all else.

👔 Article II: The Executive (The CEO)

Section 1: Executive Power

The Executive Power shall be vested in a Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of the United States. The CEO shall hold office for four years, chosen via the Electoral College, whose primary function is to assure demographic stability in political outcomes.

Section 2: Powers of the CEO

  • Commander in Chief of the military, tasked with defending shareholder value.
  • Power to grant pardons for corporate fraud, market manipulation, and tax evasion.
  • Authority to appoint Ambassadors, Judges, and Ministers, subject to approval by the Senate of Capital, provided they share the fiscal objectives of the Charter.
  • Execute all policies deemed necessary to increase shareholder value.

⚖️ Article III: The Judiciary (The Corporate Court)

Section 1: Judicial Power

Judicial power shall be vested in one supreme Corporate Court, and in such inferior courts as the Chamber may ordain.

Section 2: Jurisdiction

  • Contract disputes between mega‑corporations.
  • Proper interpretation of avenues for tax avoidance.
  • Any challenges to the supremacy of corporate personhood as defined by the Charter.

💵 Amendment I: The Right to Profit

Congress shall make no law abridging:

  • The freedom of unlimited accumulation of capital.
  • The freedom of the press, unless said press reports facts that could harm market stability.
  • The right of the people to peacefully assemble, provided they do not disrupt commerce or financial districts.

📌 Conclusion: The Profitable Union

Thus, in this Charter of the United Oligarchy, the Billionaires pledge eternal allegiance to profit, dividends, and the sacred right to call themselves “job creators.”

Meanwhile, the average citizen is reminded daily:

  • Your freedom is measured in purchasing power.
  • Your vote is measured in campaign donations.
  • Your future is mortgaged to sustain the miracle of billionaire prosperity.

Amendment I (The Right to Profit)

Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of unlimited accumulation of capital; or of the press, unless said press reports facts that could negatively impact market stability or corporate reputation; or the right of the people to peacefully assemble, provided they do not disrupt the flow of commerce or major financial districts.

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