Trump Orders Immediate Removal of Battleship’s ‘Ugly’ Gun Turrets to Make Room for ‘Freedom Ballroom’

America’s Finest News Source

"No blueprints, no approval, and no guns: The only thing that can sink this ship is the national debt."

"We’re doing it for free, essentially," says President while sliding $4 billion in Treasury bonds into a gold-plated coin slot.

NORFOLK, VA — Claiming that the current USS Trump is “too low-energy for a global superpower,” President Trump ordered a demolition crew to begin tearing down the ship’s primary weapon systems Tuesday morning to make way for a 40,000-square-foot “International Freedom Ballroom and Buffet.”

Despite having no finished blueprints, no congressional approval, and no structural engineering report to determine if a three-story crystal chandelier will capsize a 45,000-ton vessel, the President insisted the project is "already ahead of schedule."

"Missiles out, Mezzanines in: The first battleship designed to sink under the weight of its own ego."

"The guns are very nasty, very aggressive," Trump told reporters while watching a 16-inch Mark 7 barrel being tossed into a scrap heap. "We’re replacing them with a floor of pure Carrara marble. You can’t win a trade war with artillery, but you can win it with a high-end shrimp cocktail and a rotating dance floor. Everyone says so."

When questioned about the funding for the multi-billion-dollar "renovation," the White House maintained that the President is using "private money," which was later clarified to be "money from the U.S. Treasury that the President considers private because he is currently the one living in the country."

"It’s a beautiful system," said acting DHS Secretary Kristi Noem, who was seen supervising the installation of the ship’s lido deck.

Defense analysts expressed concern that removing the ship’s structural supports to accommodate a gold-leafed mezzanine might cause the entire hull to snap in half. However, the President dismissed these concerns as "Draft-Dodging Physics," promising that the USS Trump will be the first battleship in history to have a "strictly VIP" draft.

Filed to: THE FLOATING MAR-A-LAGO // PIGGY BANK DEFENSE // 2026 NEWS

Popular posts from this blog

BRASS KNUCKLES?

Image
Is ICE Carrying Restricted or Non-Standard Weapons? The following items are commonly restricted, discouraged, or prohibited in U.S. law-enforcement use depending on agency policy, state law, and use-of-force standards. Their visible presence on duty gear—especially if not standard-issue—should be documented and reported. Brass knuckles / knuckle-dusters: Often illegal under state law; generally absent from federal agency equipment lists. Blackjacks / saps / batons without policy approval: Some impact weapons are restricted due to high risk of head injury. Weighted gloves: Frequently prohibited as disguised weapons. Fixed-blade knives (outside utility tools): Large or fighting-style knives not issued by the agency. Modified batons: Altered ASPs, weighted tips, or improvised impact devices. Unauthorized chemical sprays: OC blends or crowd-control agents not approved by departm...
Read more

THE GOLDEN BALLROOM/BUNKER

Image
Ben Meiselas reports on the shocking admission by Donald Trump’s DOJ in a court case where the DOJ admits to a secret project underneath the ballroom which they claim is needed to protect Donald Trump’s life for “national security purposes.” "You unlock this door with the key of complicity. Beyond it is another dimension — a dimension of betrayal, of indulgence, of fear. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of politics and paranoia. You’ve just crossed into… the MAGA Zone." "Tonight’s story: A leader sworn to protect his nation makes a bargain with its enemies. The deal? Silence in the face of nuclear annihilation. No retaliation, no defense — only surrender dressed in secrecy. While citizens live unaware, their president builds a palace beneath the earth, a ballroom of gold, of marble and chandeliers, a masquerade hall for billionaires. But behind the gilded doors lies not music and laughter, but a bomb shelter — a sanctuary for the few, pur...
Read more

If the Constitution is Dead, is the King Unprotected?

Image
The Constitutional Suicide If constitutional legitimacy is abandoned, what happens to the protections derived from it? Authority flows from the Constitution. If Trump & Congress discard the Bill of Rights, they vacate the legal foundation of the Supreme Court.. Does Trump still deserve the presumption of innocence? There is a familiar temptation in moments of political escalation: to treat the Constitution as either sacred and invulnerable, or irrelevant and disposable. Both views misunderstand what a constitution actually is. It is not a magic charm; it is a rule-bound legitimacy machine. When the machine is treated as optional—when constitutional constraint is openly refused as a governing obligation—the system does not become “stronger.” It becomes conceptually incoherent. The purpose of this essay is not to assert that constitutional government has already en...
Read more